It’s more purple and less blue IRL, but just as gorgeous!

N: Ya, I wanted to. But I was single and had nothing to lose. Now I have you.

Memoirs of a Geisha is one of my favourite movies to watch, and I’ve watched it countless of times.
I’ve never been a fan of Michelle Yeoh or Zhang Ziyi, but I grew to like them after seeing this.

At the temple, there is a poem called “Loss” carved into the stone. It has three words, but the poet has scratched them out. You cannot read Loss, only feel it.

Water is powerful. It can wash away earth, put out fire, and even destroy iron.

She paints her face to hide her face. Her eyes are deep water. It is not for Geisha to want. It is not for geisha to feel. Geisha is an artist of the floating world. She dances, she sings. She entertains you, whatever you want. The rest is shadows, the rest is secret.

We must not expect happiness, Sayuri. It is not something we deserve. When life goes well, it is a sudden gift; it cannot last forever…

I could be her. Were we so different? She loved once. She hoped once. I could be her.

The heart dies a slow death, shedding each hope like leaves. Until one day there are none.

You cannot say to the sun, “More sun.” Or to the rain, “Less rain.” To a man, geisha can only be half a wife. We are the wives of nightfall.

There was a scene in New York, I Love You where they played this song.

Beautiful song, beautiful movie. Now, I just need the movie so I can screenshot it!

When I was 14, I remember being taught that civilization either change or adapt to their surroundings. I have never believed in changes. Adapting was a more convenient (read: lazy) option, which might also allow me to keep some pride and not to compromise myself too much.

Well, it’s bullshit. It doesn’t matter how you choose to respond, because it was never much a choice for you to make anyways. Whenever change happens, you just have to adapt to it. And when you adapt to something, there will be some sort of alteration from the norm.

Before I got into my current relationship, I enjoyed the liberation of singlehood (not that I’m commitment-phobic, I was just fine on my own), and I lead an enjoyable, routined life. After I met my girlfriend though, I’ve learnt not to need routines. She was my constant, my balance, my rhythm, my centre of gravity to how I lead my life.

Since she left, I’ve been trying to get back my routined life. Step one is always organization. Making everything neat and tidy, in hopes that it may translate to having my life back in order. Which is hard. Especially when I can hardly call myself a student now and I’m 100% unemployed. I know there are good changes too, but I just don’t feel like it.

Changes, whether it’s something entirely new or something I’ve known before, is not easy.

I don’t know… Maybe it’s PMS or just side-effects to adaption. I will eventually snap out of it. Hardest part  is to start something, I just need to find my momentum.

Day 5 and we’re doing good so far. More adjustments to come.

Let’s do a recap of my 2009!

January
NYE @ DYMK, Masquerade @ Herstory, celebrated Tiffie’s 21st,
Superstar Virgo (early VDay present from gf), visited SPCA.

February
First Valentine’s Day with gf, celebrated Adam’s 21st, Wendy’s 21st @ Singapore Zoo.

March
Rasterbated my wall, celebrated Sherleen’s 20th (LASER SKIRMISH),
Minds Cafe, Manda’s birthday.

May
Are you AWARE?, PinkDot, Nique’s 20th @ OneRochester.

June
Da Vinci exhibition, picnic with Cino, the Geminis’ birthdays.

July
Genting Highlands, Esther’s birthday celebration @ Al Forno, Sooting’s 21st.

August
BORING MONTH. I can’t find any special pictures. This shall do.

September
I turn 21 and gf brought me to Bintan! Also, dinner @ Mimolette.

October
Halloween @ SocialHouse

November
Trips to Malaysia, L4D2, Wendy’s new dog Tiger!

December
Louisa’s 21st birthday dinner, Christmas celebration with the BFFs ♥, catching up with Adam,
Superstar Sunday, NYE countdown with gf & friends.

Happy 2010, everyone.
May this year be better than 2009!

If Something’s Wrong by Aiden Hawken
I Can’t Let Go by Annie
Unknown Soldier by Breaking Benjamin
Cold Hands (Warm Heart) by Brendan Benson
Quequ’un M’a Dit by Carla Bruni
Drop It Low ft Chris Brown by Ester Dean
Electric Twist by A Fine Frenzy
Spiralling by Keane
54321 by Kid Sister
You Ain’t Really Down by Kid Sister
Mrs Actually by The Like
Keep It Goin’ Louder ft Nina Sky & Ricky Blaze by Major Lazer
She’s Got You High by Mumm-Ra
Undisclosed Desires by Muse
The Only Exception by Paramore
Hero by Regina Spektor
The End Of The World by Skeeter Davis
Gee (live cover) by Super Junior

I’ve learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is be someone who can be loved. The rest is up to them. I’ve learned that no matter how much I care, some people just don’t care back. I’ve learned that it takes years to build up trust, and only seconds to destroy it. I’ve learned that it’s not what you have in your life, but who you have in your life that counts. I’ve learned that you can get by on charm for about 15 minutes. After that, you’d better know something. I’ve learned that you shouldn’t compare yourself to the best others can do, but to the best you can do. I’ve learned that it’s not what happens to people that’s important. It’s what they do about it. I’ve learned that no matter how thin you slice it, there are always two sides. I’ve learned that it’s taking me a long time to become the person I want to be, but eventually i will get there. I’ve learned that it’s a lot easier to react than it is to think. I’ve learned that you should always leave loved ones with loving words. It may be the last time you see them. I’ve learned that you can keep going long after you think you can’t. I’ve learned that we are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel. I’ve learned that either you control your attitude or it controls you. I’ve learned that heroes are the people who do what has to be done when it needs to be done, regardless of the consequences. I’ve learned that learning to forgive takes practice, lots of practice. I’ve learned that there are people who love you dearly, but just don’t know how to show it. I’ve learned that money is a lousy way of keeping score. I’ve learned that my best friend and I can do anything or nothing and have the best time. I’ve learned that sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you’re down will be the ones to help you get back up. I’ve learned that I’m getting more and more like my mom/grandma, and I’m kinda happy about it. I’ve learned that sometimes when I’m angry I have the right to be angry, but that doesn’t give me the right to be cruel. I’ve learned that true friendship continues to grow, even over the longest distance. Same goes for true love. I’ve learned that just because someone doesn’t love you the way you want them to doesn’t mean they don’t love you with all they have. I’ve learned that maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you’ve had and what you’ve learned from them and less to do with how many birthdays you’ve celebrated. I’ve learned that you should never tell a child her dreams are unlikely or outlandish. Few things are more humiliating, and what a tragedy it would be if she believed it. I’ve learned that your family won’t always be there for you. It may seem funny, but people you aren’t related to can take care of you and love you and teach you to trust people again. Families aren’t necessarily biological. I’ve learned that no matter how good a friend someone is, they’re going to hurt you every once in a while and you must forgive them for that. I’ve learned that it isn’t always enough to be forgiven by others. Sometimes you have to learn to forgive yourself. I’ve learned that no matter how bad your heart is broken the world doesn’t stop for your grief. I’ve learned that our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for who we become. I’ve learned that sometimes when my friends fight, I’m forced to choose sides even when I don’t want to. I’ve learned that just because two people argue, it doesn’t mean they don’t love each other. And just because they don’t argue, it doesn’t mean they do. I’ve learned that sometimes you have to put the individual ahead of their actions. I’ve learned that we don’t have to change friends if we understand that friends change. I’ve learned that you shouldn’t be so eager to find out a secret. It could change your life forever. I’ve learned that the clothes I like best are the ones with the most holes in them. I’ve learned that two people can look at the exact same thing and see something totally different. I’ve learned that no matter how you try to protect your children, they will eventually get hurt and you will hurt in the process. I’ve learned that there are many ways of falling and staying in love. I’ve learned that no matter the consequences, those who are honest with themselves, get farther in life. I’ve learned that many things can be powered by the mind, the trick is self-control. I’ve learned that no matter how many friends you have, if you are their pillar, you will feel lonely and lost at the times you need them most. I’ve learned that your life can be changed in a matter of hours by people who don’t even know you. I’ve learned that even when you think you have no more to give, when a friend cries out to you, you will find the strength to help. I’ve learned that writing, as well as talking, can ease emotional pains.I’ve learned that credentials on the wall do not make you a decent human being. I’ve learned that the people you care most about in life are often taken from you too soon. I’ve learned that although the word “love” can have many different meaning, it loses value when overly used. I’ve learned that it’s hard to determine where to draw the line between being nice and not hurting people’s feelings and standing up for what you believe.

Goodbye, 2009. I hope everyone enjoys 2010.