I should be the one behind the wheel.

When I was 14, I remember being taught that civilization either change or adapt to their surroundings. I have never believed in changes. Adapting was a more convenient (read: lazy) option, which might also allow me to keep some pride and not to compromise myself too much.

Well, it’s bullshit. It doesn’t matter how you choose to respond, because it was never much a choice for you to make anyways. Whenever change happens, you just have to adapt to it. And when you adapt to something, there will be some sort of alteration from the norm.

Before I got into my current relationship, I enjoyed the liberation of singlehood (not that I’m commitment-phobic, I was just fine on my own), and I lead an enjoyable, routined life. After I met my girlfriend though, I’ve learnt not to need routines. She was my constant, my balance, my rhythm, my centre of gravity to how I lead my life.

Since she left, I’ve been trying to get back my routined life. Step one is always organization. Making everything neat and tidy, in hopes that it may translate to having my life back in order. Which is hard. Especially when I can hardly call myself a student now and I’m 100% unemployed. I know there are good changes too, but I just don’t feel like it.

Changes, whether it’s something entirely new or something I’ve known before, is not easy.

I don’t know… Maybe it’s PMS or just side-effects to adaption. I will eventually snap out of it. Hardest part  is to start something, I just need to find my momentum.

Day 5 and we’re doing good so far. More adjustments to come.


1 Response to “I should be the one behind the wheel.”

  1. January 12, 2010 at 00:52

    hang in there girl. you have us… ❤

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Jolene is a visual communicator, aspiring crazy cat lady, astrology preacher, enjoys taking pictures and always looking for a new blog to read.

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